Inside I approach a harassed looking black woman behind the main desk, who looks like a shapeless boy dressed up in his father’s oversized uniform, the black-tie adding an unfortunate novelty to the whole outfit. “I’m here to see Frank.” I say adding, “about a murder.” hoping to provide the required clarification to her bemused […]
How Do You Want It?
“This is the fuckin’ life.” I shout at Mike who’s still nursing a beer. He responds with a nonchalant shrug, followed by a long hard slug. Shame Kris had to bounce early but at least he left a nice hefty tab at the bar.Fuck Scarface! You don’t need money or the power to get the […]
Bison Viagra
“What do you mean you’re doing your best?” I roar into my cellphone.“Things are tough across the board Rick. Don’t you read the papers? James fuckin’ Bond can’t even get past pre-production because of financing and you’re already on busting my balls.”“So how come both Jordan and Cassidy are cleaning up?”“They’re in different market segments. […]
Bedroom Serial Killer
“Ricki baby.” She says in that voice knowing well what she wants and damn certain I’m not going to give it to her. I ain’t got it in in over three weeks but she can literally go fuck herself. I try to feign sleep as she blows into my ear, the smell of celebration still […]
Cowgirl
Everyone assumes I’m a hick just because I wear a check shirt and jeans. Tori actually had the audacity to talk loud and slow to me even though we were in the same school. To be fair expecting Tori to notice anyone other than herself is always going to be nothing short of a miracle, […]
Amer-I-cans
I finally understand what my uncle meant by “Amer-I-cans”. They’re all so confident and full of themselves. Nobody ever says I’m hoping to be an actor or I’d like to be one. It’s always “Hi my name is x and I’m an actor”. I guess a bit of their brashness rubbed off on us during […]
City of Angels
Funny how that when Jorge fights it’s “interesting” but when I watch it it’s “barbaric”. What’s he even doing here? He’s irrelevant. Fuckin’ meathead should be back in Mexico with a gimp mask on sodomizing a donkey or swatting away flies from tourists Coronas. I never liked Mexicans and had my hatred validated furthermore when […]
The Hive
When we arrive at the house it’s already a hive of activity with trucks, cars, and removal vans spewed out all over the cul de sac. The house looks quite homely and nothing like the MTV style crib/mansion I was expecting. I should have known something wasn’t right when the word “crest” preceded Bel Air.“How […]
Sick World
He comes in and slams the door so I think it’s safe to say he didn’t get the part.“Well how do you get on?”“I didn’t get it.”“But why?”“Fuckin’ guy interviewing was an anti-Semite. I mean what are the chances of not running into a Jew casting director in Hollywood? I think I’m cursed.”“I told you […]
The Audition
Looking around the room I don’t see anything I should be afraid of. Pretty bog standard casting call to be honest- a couple of surfers, a smoldering EMO, a very angular Hispanic kid, and the all American boy next door. I reckon Captain America’s definitely my biggest threat. I doubt the Hispanic kid even knows […]