I try to open my eyes but it’s as if they’re glued shut.“Tori Tor are you okay?”I tell Jordan I’m fine but no words come out.“Tori hon we need to know did you take something?”Take something? I barely even had a drink I tell him but all that comes out is drool. What the fuck […]
Undah Siege
Fuck sake it’s been thirty minutes now and I’m still stranded hah like a sitting duck. I’m so well acquainted with the intahior of this place, and its Egyptian theme that I’m beginning to feel like a relic myself. Eviething about this place smacks of pretention from the dim lit candles to the dimmah lit […]
Free-Range Mother’s Boys
I want my breasts to be so tight together that you can slide a credit card between ‘em but there’s only so much I can fight gravity without the aid of a bra. And only born-again Christians would wear a bra underneath a tube top. Well them and Leanne, but I wouldn’t imagine she has […]
Cowgirl
Everyone assumes I’m a hick just because I wear a check shirt and jeans. Tori actually had the audacity to talk loud and slow to me even though we were in the same school. To be fair expecting Tori to notice anyone other than herself is always going to be nothing short of a miracle, […]
Amer-I-cans
I finally understand what my uncle meant by “Amer-I-cans”. They’re all so confident and full of themselves. Nobody ever says I’m hoping to be an actor or I’d like to be one. It’s always “Hi my name is x and I’m an actor”. I guess a bit of their brashness rubbed off on us during […]
City of Angels
Funny how that when Jorge fights it’s “interesting” but when I watch it it’s “barbaric”. What’s he even doing here? He’s irrelevant. Fuckin’ meathead should be back in Mexico with a gimp mask on sodomizing a donkey or swatting away flies from tourists Coronas. I never liked Mexicans and had my hatred validated furthermore when […]
The Hive
When we arrive at the house it’s already a hive of activity with trucks, cars, and removal vans spewed out all over the cul de sac. The house looks quite homely and nothing like the MTV style crib/mansion I was expecting. I should have known something wasn’t right when the word “crest” preceded Bel Air.“How […]
LA Lights
This isn’t exactly La Traviata is my initial thought as we pull up outside The Rack, and once inside I’m left to rue my ignorance. The place is nothing more than a glorified Hooters with giant sports screens and pool tables as far as the eye can see. And to think I actually thought the […]
Coin-Operated Existence
Who the hell does he think he is? He doesn’t have an agent yet he has the balls to shoot down Josh like he was Tom Cruise or something. I’m so tired of his shit and would have dumped him right there on the spot had MTV not insisted on a couple. I swear to […]