Everyone assumes I’m a hick just because I wear a check shirt and jeans. Tori actually had the audacity to talk loud and slow to me even though we were in the same school. To be fair expecting Tori to notice anyone other than herself is always going to be nothing short of a miracle, never mind someone two years below her. I’m not gonna pretend I knew her but I certainly knew of her-everyone did. We even shared the same bus route for a while until her badass boyfriend started chauffeuring her to school. I never knew it was possible for someone to detest pants more than Madonna but Tori took it to a whole new level. Every day her cutoffs seemed to get tighter and shorter. I know the girls’ toilets weren’t exactly complimentary about her but I can’t remember if it was her or some other girl who slept with that supply teacher. However one thing’s for certain-she’s the last girl you wanna fuck with. I was there that day of the fight with Sophie Adams during recess. The story went that Sophie was the one responsible for spreading the rumor that Tori had been tag teamed by a few of the players off the football team. Tori literally plucked Sophie like a turkey removing fists full of hair at a time. I remember one particular patch of her head was so badly exposed after the fight that she had to wear beanie hats for the rest of the semester.
I’m not so sure yet if the house is something to enjoy or endure. Everyone is not so much hungry for fame as they are starved of attention (with maybe the exception of Michael and possibly Jordan). I can already see the cliques beginning to develop like high school all over again…get a grip of yourself Leanne it’s only day one-cut yourself some slack. You’ve plenty of time to make friends. No, that’s exactly what I said the whole time I was in school and look how that turned out. I don’t want to be the one organizing senior prom-I want to be the bell of the ball. This is my time to shine.
I wonder if my anxiety is translating on to camera. Everyone else just seems so comfortable and chilled out-like they’ve all known each other years. Oh god what if the public think I’m lame? What if I’m the one everyone instantly despises and mistake my social awkwardness for aloofness or even worse-think I’m a misfit? I’ve gotta stop over analyzing everything and calm the fuck down. Get liquored up. That usually helps.
“You wanna cocktail?” Kelly says.
“Sure.”
“So me and Tori were talking and she reckons you’re from Nebraska but I was like no way, it’s Virginia right?”
“Actually I grew up in Canoga Park.”
“Shut up, beside Topanga mall? I love that place. I practically live in Betsey Johnsons. You know Glendale?”
“Yeah it’s always on fire!”
“That’s because I like to remind some of my cheating ex-boyfriends to keep their dick in their pants from time to time.”
“I guess hell knows no fury like a scorned woman.”
“I’m kidding well mostly. I did set Ronnie Jones’ beloved autographed Lakers jersey alight after the chintzy bastard gave me some car transmission fluid for my birthday. The best part is I used his present to start the fire so I guess it had its uses.” She says erupting into a fit of laughter.
“Cut,” someone yells from behind a camera, “Kelly you can’t talk about stuff like this on the show.”
“But it’s true. Everyone knows he’s got alligator arms.”
“I don’t care we’ll be done for liable.”
Kelly rolls her eyes and as we continue to chat the knots in my stomach begin to unravel.
“So you want to hit Mood later? Celebrate our first night with a bang? I know the main bouncer so we’re set.”
“Awesome.” And before I know it she’s hugging me tightly and screaming.
“Oh my god what are you going to wear?”
“I wasn’t planning on changing.”
“Okay. That might not be such be a bad idea COWGIRL because the outfit I have planned for tonight is gonna blow the roof off the club. At least you’ll be warm. Do you think we should have a hot tub party before we hit the club?”
Did I even pack a bathing suit? Or own one for that matter?
“I’m not sure if we’ll have enough time.”
“You’re right. I’m just looking for any excuse to get the boys stripped down to their shorts-especially Jorge.
“I guess he’s kind of cute.”
“No no no…puppies are cute, Jorge is a beautimus maximus. He can have a cardio workout with me anytime. So who’s your flavor then?”
“No one really.” I say but my face gives me away so much that even the camera crew will need sunglasses to protect their eyes.
“Haha you’re no OJ Simpson that’s for sure. Come on Cowgirl tell me.”
“Well considering all the options Rick is quite attractive.”
“I’d certainly give him a lick.”
I watch as Kelly becomes more and more animated, letting the whole melodrama wash over me and pacify my earlier reservations. Maybe with Kelly as my fairy godmother I’ll be the bell of the ball after all.

Previous Chapter.

From the beginning.