I’m in a pissy mood which the sunshine accentuates to the degree I feel hung-over. Why the fuck did I agree to this? I look at Cassidy who’s grinning like a moron because I caved.
“Can we at least put the top up my head is pounding?”
“Sure.” and her smile is so sickeningly sweet that I can’t help but grimace.
We pull up out front and once inside are directed -by an efficiently cute PA- into the office of the all singing all dancing Josh Regan. He greets me like we’ve known each other for years but in such a way that I feel like he’s my uncle. I half expect him to hand me a piece of candy and call me “sport”. I’m also surprised by how attractive he is, and how he appears to be aging gracefully (well in the Hollywood sense). Most men his age have bad dye jobs, hair plugs, or ponytails but he seems perfectly happy to let his silver show.
“So what do you think about the show?”
I’m about to respond honestly before Cassidy’s reigns me in with that look so instead settle on, “Sounds interesting.”
Sensing my negativity he proceeds to give me the hard sell until I shut him down over the show’s credibility.
“This is going to be HUGE. MTV have dedicated over half their yearly budget to ensure its success.”
“But what about my respect as an actor?” I say and at this point Cassy shakes her head in her hands.
“This is the hottest acting ticket in town right now, and let me just clarify something for you-this is not reality TV. This is a job.”
“What do you mean?”
“Everyday you’ll be handed a soft script or expected to act and improv.”
“Josh please, I’ve seen The Hills and I think it’s safe to say none of the cast should be expecting an Oscar anytime soon.”
“The Hills is old hat. People don’t want to see a load of spoilt brats throwing tantrums about the standard of a five-star restaurant, while they’re eating fuckin’ noodles out of a plastic cup for the fifth consecutive night. People want real life. People want an underdog or someone they can root for-someone they can experience the highs and lows with. And you can be that person Rick.”
I’m about to ask how but Cass butts in.
“So how much does it pay?”
“8k an episode, plus you get to live in a Bel Air mansion with the rest of the cast.”
“Hold on the rest of the cast?”
“Yeah you’d be sharing a house with six other people which MTV will also be following. All the other characters have different objectives but you will be followed in the hope that they discover the next Brad and
Angelina. Also it goes without saying that MTV will provide numerous auditions for various commercials, magazines, television and movie parts. And the best part is that any part you land you’ll be paid for separately. So what do you think?”
Cassidy responds in a mass of high pitched vowels.
“I’ll have to think about it.”
“Well don’t think too long because all the other parts have been snapped up, and filming starts in less than two weeks.”
Cass simply ignores me and asks to sign on the dotted line.
“I’m sorry Cassidy but it’s not that simple-either you come as a package or not at all. MTV were very insistent that the remaining slots must go to a couple.”
“Can I at least meet with the producer?”
“I’m sure that can be arranged.” He says throwing in a patronizing wink for good measure.
Even though I’m ignoring Cassidy I can still feel her piercing glare. There’s nothing left to discuss and we exit promptly. My foot hasn’t even touched the reception carpet as Cassidy storms out the front door, leaving it visibly shaking. I sheepishly apologize for her actions before making my own way. Once outside I feel the full fury of a scorned lover vent against my cheek followed by a sharp dull pain.
“Save something for the cameras.” I say.

Next chapter.

Previous chapter.

From the beginning.